“Monkeys Control a Robot Arm With Their Thoughts”
Future headlines in the Planet of the Apes Is Here Gazette:
Monkeys Use Robotic Arms
To Sign Names on Casts
Of Other Monkeys’ Robotic Arms
MONKEYS SCRATCH BUTTS WITH NEW PRECISION
❧Primates Skim ‘InStyle’
Using Robotic Arms
Dozens electrocuted licking fingers to turn pages
Simians’ Robotic Arms Become Self-Aware
MARSHMALLOW-GRABBING SOFTWARE DESIGNED
‘Grodd’ named leader — calls for Batman’s ‘puny man-head’
CYBER-PRIMATES DECLARE WAR ON HUMANITY
Still miffed over ‘brains’ scene in ‘Temple of Doom’
Ultimatum From Anthropoids
‘Surrender bananas and Coke cans or poop will be thrown at you at supersonic speeds’
Scientists Confirm Deadly Force of Projectile Poop
❧Poop-Defense Shield Proposed
But Democrats won’t fucking sign it
PRESERVED HEAD OF ‘APE LOVER’ SCHUMER STOLEN, POOPED ON
❧Ape Dissenters Build Cybernetic Kubrick
‘DR. STRANGEPOOP’
Absurdist comedy reflects darkening primate culture
REVIEW: APE FILM ALL PEEL, NO BANANA
❧Editorial: ‘You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you all to hell!’
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